America

America is so fragile. I dropped it and it broke.

Oops.

New Look for Fall!

Sunglasses.

FILE UNDER: Tomorrow's Headlines Today

KISSINGER DRAWS CRITICISM WITH BOOK TITLE: "BLACK PEOPLE STOLE ALL MY CORN"

In Praise of Schulz (sic)

Cola Wars

I just had my first Diet Coke Plus.  Then I learned what the "plus" was.  

It's bull semen.

Misogynistic, Tourette's Suffering Santas

We just got this late breaking news out of Sydney, Australia:

"Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional 'ho ho ho' greeting because it may be offensive to women."

What they don't understand is that Santa is just a product of his environment. Mrs. Claus has blown half the elves, and rumor has it she has a sex tape with Blitzen. Ho indeed!

One Wish

If I had could have one wish, I'd wish for world peace. No, actually, I'd wish for a pony where everytime I rode her there would be world peace.

Matt Damon wins "People's Sexiest Man Alive 2007"

...which is ironic because he won my award for "People Having Sex with Alive Men 2007".


Congrats on both awards, asshole!

Who knew Simon was so popular??

Who knew, but it turns out the most popular game of our generation is... Simon. Guitar Hero, Dance Dance Revolution and now Rock Band are all just annoying rip-offs of this equally annoying toy introduced all the way back in 1978. The only difference is that Simon is HARDER because it requires memorization and timing, whereas Guitar Hero only requires timing (and a little more hand-eye coordination). And seriously, the jams I used to bang out on my Simon are far cooler than most of the songs you have to play along with on Guitar Hero. For all you Guitar Hero fans, South Park got it right when they proclaimed: "You are FAGS!"

The First Post / Black Jesus

I must admit, there is a lot of pressure for that first blog post. It sets the tone for your entire blog to come (or at least I can only assume it sets the tone for your entire blog to come being that I have never actually written a blog or viewed a blog regularly).

So after much deliberation, I decided we should get things rolling with... Black Jesus.